Olympic expectations

With about 600 staff at Vancouver City Hall assigned to Olympic host duties, it's good to see that the City has issued a protocol guide to avoid potential embarrassment to visiting dignitories.

Almost nothing is left to chance. There is useful information at every corner:

• You never say "That's not my job". You have to be willing to do whatever it takes to get the job done. If you are not, then you need to find another job.
• Protocol is whatever your boss says it is.
• You must display the famous "protocol smile" in all circumstances, no matter what is going on behind the scenes.
• Remember that protocol smile. It needs to get larger the worse things get. Let them think you are in complete control.
• Don't fold or cross your arms, and keep hands away from your mouth. Both actions can send negative signals.
• Always sit or stand 'tall' with shoulders slightly back and chin up for self confidence.
• Smile "gently" and with sincerity. Do not overdo it. False smiles can look artificial and never-ending smiles may invite suspicion.
• Looking into the other person's eyes shows your interest in the conversation. Do not stare too intently. Staring can be perceived as threatening.
• Minimise your use of hand gestures.
• Avoid playing with your hair, tie or jewelry, biting your lip, drumming your fingers or jiggling coins or keys in your pocket
• Nodding usually means you agree. Too much nodding may give the impression you are insincere.
• To shake hands, make eye contact and extend your right hand with the thumb knuckle facing up. Keep your hand straight, with your fingers slightly relaxed. Grasp the other person's hand and pump once or twice while standing still. Do not use a loose, limp grip.
• Be helpful but discreet in embarrassing situations. Try to move the individual out of hearing range of others and quietly let them know "Your trouser zipper is open"
• Present and receive business cards with both hands. Never use your left hand to present or receive a card. The left hand is reserved for "unclean" functions in middle eastern cultures.
• No "Tweeting"
• Never dress in clothes that are too tight, they make a slim person look gaunt and a large person look heavier.
• Avoid wearing short socks. If they are too short, they may show bare leg when you sit down. Wear knee-high socks or stockings that reach above the calf.
• Socks should match your pant colour.

Doesn't leave much room for fun, does it?